House of Suns
Just finished Alastair Reynold's House of Suns. Good book? Yeah, it was a fun read. Great book? No, not really. There are a few problems with it.
First, it doesn't feel packed with original ideas. While not set in the Revelation Space universe, it seems to borrow ideas from that universe, modifying them to be sure. But, if you voraciously read everything Reynold's writes, some of the ideas are going to feel recycled.
Second, the characters are pretty transparent. There aren't many times where character revelations are, well, revelatory. Instead you're thinking "Yep, I knew she was a good guy all along" or "Yep, I knew he was actually a bad guy."
Third, too much is explained by telling rather than showing. Characters will learn something new and the reader will find out about it via the character engaging in long periods of exposition to other characters.
Fourth, the framing story doesn't really add a whole bunch to the story. It's nice background, but I didn't really see how it ties into themes in the main story. Of course, there's always the chance that it's too subtle for me and I just missed it. I don't do subtle well. No, seriously, I don't.
Fifth, it's one of those books where the final outcome is really independent from the actions of the characters. In these cases, I'm always reminded of Raiders of the Lost Ark. In the end, Indy fails to stop the Nazis. Turns out it doesn't matter. He could have just stayed in bed.
Sixth, he uses the phrase chafing at the bit.
It's champing at the bit.
(And don't bother telling me that chafing
is a common alternative. Pointless pedantry is immune to such things!)
It's sounds like I'm being extra critical. I'm not, really. It was still a fun read and I certain don't not recommend it. But it's not nearly as good as The Prefect.
It's sorta like the last two Replacement albums. They're good albums, it's just that the Mats were so good in their prime that the last two pale compared to their earlier albums.
Yet Another Reason Why the Yankees are Bad for Baseball
Battling for the lead in this year's All-Star voting are the Twins' Justin Morneau and the Yankees' Mark Teixeira.
As you could probably guess, the hordes of uninformed Yankee fans are putting Teixeira on top. Just how stupid is this? Take a gander at their respective offensive stats:
| Category | Justin Morneau | Mark Teixeira |
|---|---|---|
| Average | .377 | .216 |
| Slugging | .685 | .378 |
| OBP | .493 | .326 |
| HR | 11 | 7 |
Yeah, that's pretty fucking stupid.
Defensively, it's a wash. Neither has yet to commit an error.
Why is this even close? Because the Yankees are bad for baseball.
Draw Mohammed Day
So, it's Draw Mohammed Day. In case you're not familar with it, it's basically a reaction to Islamic threats towards those who have portrayed Mohammed in drawings. (Specifically, the recent South Park episode. Although the problem is more wide-spread than just that.)
It's also become, unfortunately, an outlet for a shit-load of racism.
The problem Muslims have regarding drawing Mohammed is two-fold. On one hand, some interpret the Qur'an to forbid drawing the prophet at all, in order to forestall people from worshiping the prophet in place of God. Well, that's fine, if that's what you believe. But don't expect me to follow suit. Additionally, if you're worried about me worshiping Mohammed, well, don't worry. Ain't gonna happen. So there's some irony there. Muslims may expect me to follow some rule for reasons that explicitly don't apply to me.
On the other hand lies the respect
issue. Many, even most, of the people drawing Mohammed lately are being as rude with their drawings as they can. And Muslims are taking offense and asking for/demanding respect. And, again, that's fine. But then it escalates to threats and even attempts at violence. Then, it's not so fine.
Of course, on the gripping hand, the US has fucked around with the Middle East quite a lot, both historically and lately. And if I came from that perspective, I might throw a bomb myself.
Yes, that's right, I said it. Much of the Muslim anger towards the US is entirely justified. Radical Islam itself grew from the shitty things we did to Iran with the Shah. We are reaping what we've sown. That said, if y'all keep hitting at the US, we will eventually just blow you up. No, really, we can do that. I hope we don't. But we can. We really can. When US hawks yap about turning the Middle East into a smooth plain of glass, they're not kidding. I don't think folks in the Middle East really understand that we have enough missiles to take out the former Soviet Union. Sad, but true.
Well, in any case, I can't draw worth shit. But I can use an avatar creation program. So, here are my drawings
of Mohammed. I decided to work against the can't draw the prophet at all
rule instead of trying to be offensive just to establish that I can be offensive. So I went for cute and clever:
These next two aren't really drawings of the prophet at all. Rather, they're rather obvious plays on words:
Finally, if you want to draw Mohammed quickly and easily, here are two emoticons:
Stern Mohammed: (((:~{>
Happy Mohammed: (((;~)>
I did follow the Facebook group for awhile and engaged in some discussions with Muslims. And I learned some things, both good and bad. I'll post some thoughts on that tomorrow.
Test Message
Yeah, this is just a test of some right-clicky FTP thingie. If you see this, it worked.
If you don't see this, then please leave a message telling me so!
Stupid Fucking ESPN Jocks
I'm so sick of ESPN guys gushing about security tasering that kid at the Phillies game. Look, assholes, tasers are alternatives to deadly force only. If you couldn't shoot 'em, you shouldn't be tasering 'em. End of story.
And then there's all this whining about how we don't know what he was going to do. Look, it's pretty fucking simple. If they run at a player, then worry. If they're just running around like a fucking loon, don't shit yourselves over it. And, if you watch the video, this kid was running around like a loon.
One of the ESPN assholes said he deserves whatever he gets.
Like, can we fuck him in the ass with a baseball bat, scar up his face with spikes, then decapitate him? Would he deserve that? For simple trespass? You fucking ESPN pretty-boy idiot.
And then they all mention Monica Seles getting stabbed in 1993 and the father/son duo running on-field at a Cubs game and attacking a guy in 2002. Yeah, that's two incidents over how many years and how many pro sports games? (Respectively: 17 and a shitload.)
Since the Cubs incident, there have been over 38 thousand regular season MLB games. Should we, based on that, always assume that any dweeb running onto the field is a deadly threat. Ummm, that would be fucking lunacy.
Stupid fucking jocks. Best thing that ever happened to me as a child was hurting my knee and switching from football to speech and debate.
Even the PTI guys blew this one. Although at least they weren't as gleeful.
My cousin Brian added Tasering shouldn't be an option just because your fat doughnut-eating self can't catch the kid.
And he's exactly correct. A taser is a non-lethal alternative to a gun. It's not a convenience tool.
Plus, if I was going to take out a player, I'd drop in front of the dugout and take 'em all out at once while they're sitting down. Or pop one off while he's signing an autograph for me. Or follow him home. I certainly wouldn't run around the outfield waving my arms like a loon.
And the thing is, if this kid had pre-planned harm, then he would have done it differently, too. And if he meant harm, but it was a spur of the moment bit of rage, then the taser wasn't going to be a disincentive anyway.
But it's more than just another overly-zealous use of a taser. The reaction is so typical of America today. When did we become such a nation of bed-wetters where we cheer tasering some kid who ran on the field? Oh yeah, 9/11.
And, as a result, today everyone freaks out too damn easily. Oh noes! We don't know what he was going to do!
Well, yes, we do know. In all likelihood, he was going to run around like a loon. Stupid, yes. Harmless, nearly certainly so.
But we can't leave it at that. Oh no, not in today's America. Today, we all piss our pants in terror and cheer when security uses a taser.
Stupid fucking ESPN jocks and stupid fucking cowardly over-reacting America.
Impediments to my ever forming a garage band...
1) The garage is full of crap. I'd have to move the car.
2) I can't play guitar. Can't even play bass. I can't play piano either.
3) I'm not inclined to learn, either. Plus I have big meaty palms with stubby little fingers.
4) I have no idea what I would write songs about. Do we really need more liberal political bands? I've been happily married for a long time, so I don't have any tales of love-based woe. I work at home in my jammies, so I can't really complain about work. I just can't generate any angst anymore.
That last one is probably the killer. If I did somehow conquer 1-3 above, then I guess I could write songs about:
- Insomnia
- Tea
- Sexy Nuns
- The US Constitution
- BBQ
- Religion
- OS X
- Baseball
Well, gee, maybe that's enough? Guess I better start cleaning out the garage.
Futzing with Formatting
I'm playing with CSS for mobile devices. So, if you're trying to get to the site via an iPhone or maybe a Pre, it may look weird. Feel free to tell me how weird in the comments!
Basically, what I'm trying to do is simply kill the left and right sidebars for those devices and expand the center content area to use the full width of the screen.
However, I kinda suck at CSS. Plus, it's always a challenge to get a browser to reload a remote CSS file.
What a Lousy Night
We had a lousy night last night. Here's how it went:
I was dreaming. I was in a mall of some sort and they were closing up. I walked by a bakery that was giving away the stuff they hadn't sold. It smelled wonderful! (I have a great sense of smell in dreams.) There were these things like chocolate-frosted Pop-Tarts, but if Pop-Tarts were made by hand with real ingredients. And they were still warm. I wanted them so bad!!!
And I passed them by, because they're not on my diet. I hate it when I bypass something good in a dream!
And then I woke up, immediately regretting passing up the quasi-Pop Tarts. It was around 4am or so. I had apparently been sleeping on my back and had breathed in loads of slobber. So I was coughing and choking and it took me awhile to clear out my lungs enough to go back to sleep. Of course, this woke up my wife, who never really managed to get back to sleep.
So after hacking up goo for a bit, I fell back asleep. This time, I was in a house, trying to get showered and dressed in a hurry because I was late for some meeting. I went into the bathroom and started taking off my socks. The lights started to dim and flicker. And then they got very bright and I felt electrocuted. (Well, I felt as I imagine being electrocuted feels, only not as painful, I bet.) And I couldn't move. Incidentally, neither could the dream version of Einstein the cat.
So I stood there awhile, frozen, until I realized that there was a chance that this was all just a dream. So I tried to wake myself up. I was trying really, really hard, too.
Meanwhile, in the real world, my wife realizes that I'm having a nightmare. I whimper in my sleep if I'm having a nightmare. When she notices the whimpering, she'll wake me up, gently. So, while I'm trying desperately to wake up from my dream, she reaches over to gently touch me. And when she does, I bolt awake, violently spasming and shouting aloud. Which, of course, scares the crap out of her.
So now we're both wide awake again.
Eventually, I drop back off to sleep and she's starting to doze. And that's when one of the cats decides it's time to barf on the carpet, which scares the cat sleeping next to my wife, which startles my wife, who in turn startles me awake.
Eventually, the fucking alarm goes off and we get out of bed. What a lousy night!
Norwegian Fusion BBQ
So, I'm taking my daily walk this morning and I started thinking about American culture, or, more accurately, the lack of a truly national culture.
We have a wealth of regional cultures, but we don't have a national one. I don't view that as a problem. I think it's a strength.
But there's a problem. When we export culture to other countries, we try to export a national culture. In other words, we export things like bad TV, Starbucks, and McDonald's. It's bad for the world, because those things are all crap. And it's bad for the US because it makes the world think we're cultural idiots.
Why can't we export regional culture successfully? So I started thinking about something to export and a bulb lit up above my head! Let's export BBQ!
More specifically, I want to sell all my possessions, move to Norway, and open a BBQ shack in Olso. (And eventually in Bergen, Trondheim, Tromsø, and Ålesund.)
Seriously, this is a great idea! Norway doesn't have BBQs. The shack would play up the different regional BBQ styles, not just on the menu, but in the layout and decor.
You could have an area themed after Kansas City. (In what way? I dunno. My only experience with KC is that all the downtown businesses close at 5pm.) Another with a Memphis theme. One for the Carolinas. And, of course, a Texas section.
The menu would reflect this as well. Candy-coated KC dreck, of course. Luscious Memphis dry ribs. Pulled pork with all the Carolina sauces (vinegar, red, and mustard). And Texas brisket.
(By the way, the one true BBQ sauce is mustard-based and called Carolina Gold.
I will not entertain arguments to the contrary. If you don't agree, you're just wrong. Wrong wrong wrong! It's easy to make and I'll send you a recipe if you email me.)
You could play thematic music in each section as well.
And you could also incorporate a sort of Norwegian BBQ fusion cuisine. Instead of baking lutefisk, why not smoke it over some hickory. Hell, slather it with enough KC-style candy sauce and you might not even taste the lye!
Figure out some local wood to replace or supplement hickory.
What about using lefse instead of white bread?
Holy crap, what about rolling pulled pork up in lefse? Damn, that would be good!
You could also be tossing elk and reindeer into the smoker.
One final selling point is that BBQ is cheap food. In a nation where everything is hideously expensive, a BBQ shack could really compete on value. (The only things I've found in Norway that are reasonably priced are art prints of Edvard Munch's work, from the Munch Museum gift shop. Trust me on this one.)
I'm packing my bags!
Geoff Useless - Tell Me What EP
It's time for a CD review!
Your first question is bound to be, who the hell is Geoff Useless? Well he's a punk from New Hampshire. He played for a bit with The Queers. He's also in a punk band called The Guts. And he has his own band, too. The guy gets around.
I ran into him on Twitter. I can't remember who followed who first. But he's a great guy and released this EP last week.
Now, before getting into each song, note that this EP isn't real punky. It's got some pop and some folk. That's cool with me. But this isn't a really a punk release. So don't go expecting loud.
The first thing you notice about the EP is the cover. It's a goof on the iconic Elvis/Clash cover. But it's got Geoff's face, with a really goofy-yet-cool expression. I love this photo. It really captures the guy. He's goofy-yet-cool.
So, throw the CD in the drive and what do you get? First off, you get Geoff's voice. Y'know how Joey Ramone had that Liverpool via Queens accent? Take that, lighten it a little, and run it through New England. Now you have Geoff. He's got some guy with him who does the backing vocals. He's great, too. His voice works well with Geoff's. I'd tell you his name, but I don't have the CD by my side.
Now, onward to the tracks:
Tell Me What: Okay, this is the main track. Everything else is basically bonus material. And that's fine, because this is one fine slice of catchy pop. It's an ode to his girlfriend. (She also appears in the adorable video.) The production is just slick enough that you could play this on the radio. (Does anyone listen to the radio anymore? I never really did, I must admit. MPLS radio sucked in the 80s in direct reverse proportion to the quality of the music scene.) But it's not overly-slick. It's just right. It's fun. It's heart-felt. It has call and response vocals and nice harmonies. It ends with a trademark Beatles progression. Everything about it feels right. It's just a great song. Buy the EP, just for this. Seriously.
Told You Once: The second track clocks in at less than a minute. It's a little bluegrass ditty. Twangy harmonies throughout. It's fun. You think it ended, then it doesn't, then it does. I love it. And if you don't like it, that's okay, because it's only 55 seconds long.
Comin' Round Again: This track is folky, with a church organ supporting. It starts sparse, they breaks out the organ. It's not as catchy as Tell Me What,
but frankly, I haven't heard anything in the past 3 years that is. As with the prior tracks, there's great backing vocals, sometimes providing harmony, sometimes not. It ends with a fade out, then a fade in to some studio shenanigans. That doesn't do much for me. But it's harmless silly fun.
The EP was originally released, for free, online. Buying the CD, which you should do, snags you two bonus acoustic demo tracks.
I'll Always Be (Me): This is your basic don't pigeonhole me
/ I'm true to myself
sort of track. It's a fine song. Not my favorite, though.
Beware: Nasty little ditty about how everyone wants to kill you. It's not a cute ditty either. It's an agressive acoustic number. Reminds me of Husker Du's Never Talking to You Again.
It's that kind of acoustic agression. I love this. Hearing Geoff tell you that you're going to die die die is a blast.
And all this was only four bucks! Four bucks! That's all!!! Go buy the damn CD!
